obsession

I have really gotten into the Zodiac lately. It doesn't explain my absence from writing, but I just wanted to mention that it's been my latest obsession. What got me into it was David Fincher's film finally making it to the top of my Netflix. I watched it, and I loved everything about it. If I could make a film like that, just one, then that's it, I'm done. That would do it for me just to make one good personal film. I don't even care if it does well in theaters, just that it was made.

No internship this week because Mother is having an operation, and I need to be home. I also have to take people to the airport and do all sorts of errands for the parentals. I don't mind it actually because it gives me time to sort through all my crap and get rid of stuff. Kuya's friend is having a garage sale, and I'm bring all sorts of junk that clutters my room to sell.

Incidentally, I think I may be one of the best interns. There have been all sorts of intern drama, but I've been a good girl with no problems. Yay! The only thing with interning at a small company is that they really can't take me on, unlike maybe interning at Disney where they'll just shove me into the mailroom if I've shown compliance and allegiance to the Mouse, but I'm okay with that.

This is like the best time to be confused about the direction of my life as ever since the job market sucks. I know what I don't want to do, so that's a good start, right?

sweet news!

Lately there have been a lot of commercial shoots all across the country ranging from Seattle to New York City, but no work here in LA. I was beginning to think that I wouldn't get to see any of the award winning cinematographers and directors that our company represents do their thing (*ahem* Michael Apted of The Office fame, DP Janusz Kaminski of Saving Private Ryan, and even Ben Affleck!)

I found out that we do have one shoot here in LA for a commercial, and I might get to be a PA for a day. YAY!

I won't get into all of it yet, but let me splurge on one bit, one of the crew has one of my favorite films under his (or her) belt: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind! So cool!

Also, I got a LOAD of free stuff from internship that was used as props on some shoots. Most of it is kitchenware, which is always good to have.

rejection, cancellation, dead

When a commercial we're bidding on (finding the crew, getting it all together, etc.) doesn't work out, it's "dead". For example, "the Wal-Mart job is dead."

I can't think of a more final word.

On the last 2 projects I worked on, none of them came to fruition. I found the boom crane. I found location scouts. I found a caterer and a production supervisor. All that led to nothing, and it's the most disappointing feeling in the world. And then I have to call these people, cancel the crane, tell the location scout that she could take that other shoot she's been holding out for. No one is more upset than me. Everyone takes it in stride. "This happens, Elaine. This happens." My mentor told me.

I need to work on this.

Hung out at the edit bay today when there was nothing else for me to do. I watched them put together a reel--it's like a trailer of a director's best work. Our executive producer didn't like the song some clips were cut to, so we had to find a new one. By sheer LUCK, this one song we found matched perfectly. At one point, the words of the song eerily matched the words a character was speaking. They were synced up so perfectly, and it was all chance. I love that. Dave and I just looked at each other with wide eyes. Both of our faces held the same expression: "Did you see that?!" It was beautiful.

I was so lost in that moment that I forgot about the dead projects, the cancellations, the production supervisor out of a job for the next week. I was content. If only there was a way to be this happy consistently.

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Switching gears, but that's pretty much it about my internship. I do the same stuff every day, not much variation until today.

I'm starting to read more, and I've made a commitment to read at least 25 pages a day, which isn't that much. I'm reading a TON of books simultaneously, something that's also new to me, but it's quite nice because all the books cover a variety of subjects, so I can just choose what I'm in the mood for.

I've been interested in deaf-mute characters (possibly for a future project), so I picked up Carson McCullers's The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter. There's also Art of War by Sun Tzu, and The Beach by Alex Garland. Gosh, I feel like there's so many more books that I have to read that I haven't even thought about!

Going to sleep. Actually, time to read. My commute is so horrid that I spend almost 2 hours in the car, each way. Disgusting. I hate it.

head is spinning

Today was probably the busiest day ever! It makes my head spin and almost regret every decision I have ever made to get me to this point of my life. I was on the phone talking to people for literally 3 hours straight just trying to get a film crew together. And I really hate talking on the phone and talking to people I don't even know. Sometimes I hate the phone period.

But, honestly, when I look back on all the stuff I did today, I feel very accomplished. It's a nice feeling, so I guess it all really balances out. I do know now that I really appreciate all the people in pre-production that make things happen. Trying to get a crew of people, all with different availabilities and agendas together, and getting a project into fruition even if it's a 30 second or 60 second commercial. It's insane. It really makes my head hurt.

Going to sleep.

disneyland vs. comfy office: part 2

So, where was I? I was sitting in the dark in the conference room.

R. comes in--she's editor there and a real cool girl--and she says, "It's so sad that you're sitting in the dark. But I have something for you to do! I'm sorry to make you do this, but there's no one else who could do it." Turns out it's the boss's b-day tomorrow, but she's leaving early to see her parents for the weekend. She dumped a load of work on everyone, and there's no one to pick up cupcakes and wine for her surprise b-day.

INTERN TO THE RESCUE!

They gave me money, and I basically went to Trader Joe's, got her fave wine, went to Sprinkles in Beverly Hills, pushed my way through all those hipster toolbags, and picked up the cupcakes. I was amazing, I was on it, and I was thorough. I made sure to call and tell them I was outside so that boss doesn't see me walk in with cupcakes. I saw that the champagne flutes on the table that one of the assistants put out were dirty, so I washed them.

This is all PA stuff, which I don't mind, because I'm being real helpful. It's not helpful when I'm stuttering on the phone to producers who are questioning my "position".

The boss was surprised, and one of our directors was there (yeep!), and he said "Thanks" to me for picking up the cupcakes. That made me happy. Made me more happy than getting half a cupcake and a glass of wine in my tummy.

When the boss left everyone unloaded and just hung out in the office. I got to talk to the assistants a little more, which is nice. They said they're glad to have me and how helpful I was, which is nice, but probably the wine talking. I got to go home a little later than usual because I was just hanging out and there was nothing to do, but I think it's important to show that I'm "sociable" even when I'm not.

R. was telling me that no matter what you do in this business, YOU HAVE TO BE AN ACTOR. There are certain ways to deal with people, and you have to know how to "act" with certain people. When you're on the phone trying to get a boom lift from a guy, you have to have a certain voice, maybe "flirt" with them a little, make them feel good, because you want what he has, and only he can give it to you. It's frustrating for me to act on the phone, but I know I have to do it.

The same with interning--I have to be a different person there. And it's very weird and disorienting, and I feel phony, and I don't want it to take over. I don't want to be this person at home or when I'm with my friends. At the same time though, it feels really really good to book a caterer for a film shoot or to get some weird info about cameras at Panavision all using my "phone voice and act"--which are two things I did yesterday.

I don't know. Still mixed about all this. Yesterday, I also got to hang out more with R. She showed me how to pull clips from films and to post them on the website. Pretty cool.

disneyland vs. comfy office

I spent maybe less than 4 hours in my car today.

Ugh, ugh, ugh. I hate the drive to internship. I work there 3 days a week for 9 hours a day. And it's an unpaid internship. Not that many people understand that. I'm getting paid in experience.

Today was okay. First I was told that I made some mistakes on things. Ugh...Then I had to make a call to find a production supervisor. This lady I was on the phone with was questioning my "position" in the company, when I finally resigned and said, "I'm just an intern." To which she said, "You are NEVER just an intern! You're more than that." And then she was a bit nicer.

Then I had a block of time where I was doing NOTHING AT ALL. I was thinking in my head, "Do I really belong here?" Because honestly, this isn't what I want to do. I don't want to make calls or do any sort of office work. I've done that for my past two jobs. I'm done with that. I'm learning a lot when it comes to the process of getting commercials produced and it's all helpful and interesting, but I don't want to be in an office.

Suddenly, while sitting in the conference room alone since that's where I was told to wait until there was work to do, suddenly working at Disneyland didn't seem like a bad idea. I thought that maybe I could be that person that stocks the stores or picks up trash. That honestly sounded appealing to me than sitting in an office. So I thought of my "quitting story". What could I say to get myself out of this?

Sorry to end it here, but I'm real tired, and I have to wake up early for internship. Will continue tomorrow. No work on Friday! Gnight!