"Wanna listen to some records?"

Dinner last night at our house with most of the fam on Mom's side. Will post photos later. We had lechon, or roasted pig. The guy we ordered it from "forgot" to roast it, and a lot of hungry people were unhappy. Fortunately, we only had to wait three hours, and we ate very little in the meantime.

After, my cousins and I went to Coffee Bean. My cousin Ellen is addicted to that place, and they don't have it where she lives. We took photos outside of ourselves jumping. I really like jumping photos. I can get pretty high, haha.

I got a record player and am currently listening to a big band record my Dad had. I love it. Will also take photos. I have some vinyl, but I haven't been able to listen to them since our really good record player in the house isn't set up. So I got this one for my apartment. It's portable with built in speakers. Have been listening to Radiohead "In Rainbows" vinyl as well, and Mom pointed out some French records she has in their collection.

Went to mall with Mom to exchange some things. I've been really into pajamas lately. Pajamas and good quality underwear. I don't know why. The textures have be really soft. So I got some good stuff at Macy's.

Am thinking of some "resolutions" for the coming year. Just some minor changes. Lately, I've been really happy. I think it's because I've been surrounded with the fam.

Also, the wedding was excellent. Reunited with some old friends who I grew up with. They're much older than me and also in the film business or at least trying to make it like me. They offered to help me out whenever I needed it. I can't believe how nice it was for them to offer that to me. I mean, I've made no effort to get in touch with them, see how they were doing...I'm just blown away. My resolutions is to try and be a better friend, even if it's just small things like remembering birthdays and sending postcards.

post-Christmas update

Christmas with the fam was amazing! I love how hilarious my family is, from my little nephews to their grandpas. My Uncle Nick was handing out fresh $20 bills to the kids and my Mom got in line, haha.

I got some pretty sweet gifts. I really didn't want anything this Christmas, I just wanted to be home with the fam and stuff my face with yummy foodstuffs. My wish came true! Mom gave me an old fountain pen that's way fancier than the ones I own, I got some MAC lipstick from sis-in-law which luckily I didn't have, and I got the blanket that I brought for white elephant back. Yay! Haha. It's super warm, it feel like I'm wrapped in some sort of fur.

I also bought myself something else since I got money back from study abroad. The huge purchase was a ticket to see Jimmy Eat World for their 10th anniversary of their album "Clarity" which made a huge impact on my life. That album is one of the reasons that I'm in film. It changed the way I felt about music, about film, about a lot of things. The only thing that stands in the way of me getting "lead my skeptic sight" tattooed somewhere on my body is my pain threshold. Listen to "Table for Glasses" and try not to cry.

My cousins are here from northern California, and we hung out yesterday. The mall was insane-o. We walked to Coffee Bean to talk and sip drinks. Saw some boys on road bikes, and that made me happy. Had pastrami sandwiches at The Hat--yummo. Kat came and we went to the mall to witness the madness. I got a really cool shirt that says "Rogue" on it but in the font of Vogue magazine's title cover. And a nerdy sweater. Both were on sale.

Today, my neighbor is getting married. We used to be really close when we were little. We're still friends, but it's not the same as before. You know how that is? It's weird because for 6 months of the year, we're the same age. I used to play MASH with her; we'd let paper and pencil design our fate. And now she's getting married. For real.

I'm going to the wedding with my parents. Writing that out makes me feel like a little kid. I expressed all this to my parents, and at first they started making fun how all my little cousins way younger than me have boyfriends. Then they said that I should travel a little more, wait a little bit before I start dating. Mom said I should get rich first, haha. You know, get my first Oscar, then I can date whoever I want!

In all honesty though, I do like where I am, and though I'd like to find someone who I feel strongly about enough to want to spend the rest of my life with him...there's so much I want to do, and I don't see that happening now. I don't even see myself with a boyfriend right now. Dad said to me while I lied face down in their bed, "GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER....then have fun."

That sounds like a decent plan.

bonne hiver

It's an absolute terror being out and trying to shop, but I kind of love it. Kuya called me to go to the mall and do some of his Christmas shopping. At first I said, "Why are you sending me there on Christmas Eve, do you know how crazy it's going to be?"

But it was cool, I wanted to get out of the house and drive around anyway. I did have to ask weird questions like, "Excuse me, do you know where the Magic Shoes or something kiosk is?" Some sort of shoe polish that Kuya wanted to give as a gift.

The plan for today is dinner at Grandma's after we pick up my aunt at the airport. Tomorrow we're going to have lunch at my uncle's beach house near Santa Barbara. Sorry for the limited posting, but I'm sure you're all busy as well.

Things I like:
1. Bon Iver's (same translation as "bonne hiver" or French for "good winter") Skinny Love: This song is really lovely.

2. Glass mugs filled with tea.

3. Brogiueres's eggnog: Their milk and eggnog comes in old-fashioned glass bottles and tastes so good.

Happy Holidays everyone!

lessons over dim sum

I can't believe how fast Christmas came. It's weird...I feel like this semester went by faster than last year's fall semester in Paris.

So lots of things happening, I don't really know how to sum it all. Yesterday I had dim sum with a group of ladies I like to call the First Wives' Club. Basically, Mom and her friends. They gossiped in Tagalog and English and bossed the wait staff around. I felt a little out of place, but I came for the food and sometimes they tell funny stories.

Two guys sit at the table next to us. They're probably a little older than me. And, perfect timing, because Auntie Trini starts asking me about my love life. And, I swear, the guys were barely talking, they were just listening on because the First Wives' Club doesn't talk, it broadcasts.

I'm answering her prodding questions softly, and then she tells the story about how her daughter met the "perfect" man. He was rich, working in the entertainment business. They were planning the perfect wedding when, little by little, she started seeing these little things that started bothering her about him. The clencher though was that she went to meet her future in-laws, and her fiance's dad was out golfing while his mom was at home in a wheelchair. And it hit her: "Is this my future?"

She broke it off. She didn't marry the guy, and she's happy with her current hubby who I've met and is a really sweet guy. Bottom line...Auntie Trini didn't tell me what the whole moral of the story is. I guess it's that nothing is perfect, nothing is what is seems, but I also think it's that I shouldn't look at all the little things. I don't know. If I really love a guy, then that means I love his faults too, right? Mom had said on the ride home, "I love your Dad, and he's not perfect."

I hate shopping this time of year, because it feels like all the couples are out holding their hands in your face. Blurg. I was out and about getting some things, and I saw a couple, and this girl had a big SLR camera with her (why?!), and they took a photo of themselves. I guess I was in a bad mood because I went "UGH!" though not loud enough for them to hear. I hate feeling like I'm in someone's romantic comedy.

lost in the snow

Drove home yesterday with my friend Jonalisa who needed a ride to LA as well. She slept most of the time, which is pretty cool since I get to time to think while listening to my music. Dad was nervous about me driving up Grapevine since they were escorting cars. Turns out they weren't, so I drove ever so slowly through the little, tiny snowflakes, and the mountains were blanketed in white.

It was really beautiful. I've never seen snow fall before, this is probably the closet I've ever gotten to seeing it. I didn't stop though I wish I did because some girls got on the cover of the LA Times the next day when they stopped at a rest area off the Grapevine. Damn, that could've been me and Jonalisa. Oh well.

I took it all in, it was such a sight. And I couldn't help but think of my future and how much that's such a big white snowstorm to me. I'm currently in the process of applying for internships. I know that I want to be in film, but I'm not sure at what capacity. I'm familiar with all three sectors: pre-production, production, and post-production. I've written, filmed, and edited films. But I need to be a little realistic and stick to one thing if I want to get somewhere. We'll see.

I have much to do over the break. I have lots of books I want to read. I finished 2 today. I need to clean. I always need to clean. Okay, back to completing my resume.

done!

Yippee! I finished my last class which consisted of me just standing around and watching students, making sure they don't cheat. It was still cool. Turns out my prof will be taking a sabbatical to write his screenwriting book, pretty sweet. I asked if he could be a reference for my internship applications, and he said of course. He even offered to write my letter of recommendation if I intend to go to grad school. Sweeto!

I've packed a lot of stuff to take home. Most of it is stuff that I want to leave at home because I don't need it anymore. I'm really excited for the break because I have loads of books to read.

TA-ing

Yesterday my friends and I surprised our other friend at a restaurant for lunch. She just finished her Masters in Comparative Literature. Way to go Melissa! A friend of a friend came, and I found out that I'm his TA for documentary film.

He had a lot of things to say about the class, a lot of criticism, that's for sure. I tried my best to defend my professor, because he's really a great professor. Sure his class is difficult, but it's good to be challenged. There are so many classes that aren't very challenging in the film major. Anyway, he was really cool about it. I made a joke that he can't say hi to me at the final or it'll look suspicious.

I've been listening to music right before I go to sleep. Right now it's Scrabbel's "Save The Green Planet." So soothing. I listen to it on a loop even while I write. I wrote my whole shot list for my script just to this song.

My friend who visited me in Paris found the books I asked her take home with her. I'm really excited to get them back. They're mostly film books, most of them are scripts. I'm going to read them over the break. I like getting my hands on scripts just to see the different writing styles. I got The Dark Knight, two versions of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and Adaptation. just online. Pretty sweet.

Today is my last final, and tomorrow I turn in my final draft and script project. Yee!

study break

I have cup of plain eggnog (no alcohol) beside me. I feel very Christmasy. I've started on a lot of things but am nowhere near to completion on most of them. Blurg.

Went to study/write at Barnes and Noble. Their chairs are comfy, and it's also great for people watching. Especially when I can sit at my favorite table that faces most of the store and the escalators to the bottom floor. Finally finished my script, but I still have to do the shot list. I'll look over my script in a day to see how I feel about it before I print it out.

Ooh, must tell you about comic book store guy.

I was looking for Batgirl: Year One after reading a review, so I decided to try this comic book store just south of here and close to Barnes and Noble. It was hard to find, and it was a little, dinky store, smaller than my bedroom really. Not a lot of comic books.

I walk in, and no one's there. But a guy from the back comes in and says hi. He's kind of chubby, nerdy looking. I notice some sort of sauce stain on his shirt, maybe barbecue since I walked by a rib joint to get there. He asks if I'm looking for something. I tell him what I'm looking for. He finds where it is exactly and gives it to me. He was very nice and not unattractive by society's standards, but definitely someone who would be typecasted as a "nerd." Then he walks to the cashier register. With my back to him, I start reading a couple of pages. After, I look at some other comics before I go to pay.

He takes it from me and asks if I'm a Batgirl fan. I lie and say no, that I'm getting it for a friend. He engages me with a little Batgirl trivia. "You're not going to read this then?" he asks. I lie and say no. He tells me Barbara Gordon isn't his favorite Batgirl, but that it's still a good read. He likes Cassandra Cain--although he didn't refer to her as Cassandra Cain exactly--I knew what he was talking about.

"She's half Chinese." And he pauses and smiles shyly before going on about her kick ass abilities. I'm guessing this was for my benefit since I've been mistaken for part Chinese, but I tend to overanalyze in these kinds of situations. Minutes later, I bid Merry Christmas as I leave and he says the same.

I'm trying to figure out why I lied to him about the book. It's not something to be ashamed of, I guess I wanted to see his reaction and how much information he'd give me if I acted totally oblivious. What I experienced was a nice encounter with a comic book fan. He wasn't preachy or anything, he was very informative and kind.

When I'm lying to strangers, faking someone else, not being myself, but maybe a better version of me...I feel strangely confident.

I need to get back to my shot list.

freedom...for a bit.

Had my last class with Prof. Rustky. He's such a great professor. I really enjoyed science fiction class with him. Anyway, he was wrapping up the class, and he stated, "I'd like to see some female science fiction writers get some films made."

I felt like that quote was more for Catherine than it was for me, but the fact that he said it made me really happy. I do like science fiction, but it's not the genre I lean towards.

I'm going to grade papers today. Blurg. Also write up my resume to send off to internships. Double blurg.

Watched It's A Wonderful Life for the first time, and I absolutely loved it. I love James Stewart. And Frank Capra. Old films have this element to them. They feel more carefully crafted from the dialogue to the cinematography and editing. And this film can be hilarious at one moment and heartbreaking the next. Stewart gives such great looks, and he's incredibly handsome.

There's this utterly romantic scene where Mary and George (the leads) are mad at each other, but they're both sharing a phone and taking to their friend. And that shot of them just standing very close, their faces very close together as they listen on the phone, it just...it kills me. I love it so much. They go from one extreme to another. What's cute is that this is James Stewart's first kiss scene ever since he came back from fighting in the war, and he was very nervous about it. Turns out that the first take is what ended up in the film. Way to go Stewart! And to Capra for his direction!

homesick

I can't sleep. I have this insane paper on James Cameron's film Aliens due tomorrow, and I can't sleep. It must've been the two cups of green tea.

I also found out that my favorite band played a secret show last night in my hometown at Biola University where I first saw them play. My hometown isn't Los Angeles like I write it out in everything, but it's where Biola is located. I just flipped out when I found out. Right when I read it, I really wished that I was home. But it also made me super nostalgic since I was 13 when I saw them play there in this weird room. Kuya took me, and his friend went to Biola so he knew where they were playing and all. It makes me feel so old when I think about it.

Ugh, I don't want to get older.

I have 5 papers to grade for documentary class so it shouldn't be that bad. I also have to apply for CSU media internships. I hope that works out. Catherine is heading down to LA to check out the set for a show on CBS. She doesn't know the name. She knows the camera operator on the show through her Dad, and the guy was talking up her name on the set so apparently all the sound crew is interested in meeting her. Catherine is into sound.

We went to Kinko's to get her business cards made. They misspelled "Yahoo" on 100 business cards. She has her email on Yahoo. At first, she wasn't going to say anything, but I spoke up for her, and asked for them to fix it.

Me: Do you really want "Yaho" on 100 business cards?
Catherine: I don't care.

Sometimes she just won't bother with certain things, it's hilarious.

early Christmas dinner

Catherine finished her Orson Welles paper, and she wanted to celebrate with an early Christmas celebratory dinner. We went to Boulevard Cafe.

I'm so thankful to have Catherine with me all throughout my college years. Honestly, I don't know how I'd get through it all without her. I'm not a super approachable person, and I have a really hard time making friends, but, I swear, without her, things could have been much harder.

We talked about our past film exploits, and all the interesting people we've encountered. We both shared the same sentiment though: we don't really like the girls in our film major. They're so much harder to befriend, and they shroud themselves in phoniness. It's hard to get to the real with them, if that makes any sense. Guys are so much easier to talk to, because they don't play games and they don't gossip and they don't give a shit. And they have a good sense of humor. The girls at our school try too hard, and when they think they know more than you, they're so condescending. Ugh.

Gawd, it's going to be murder when I go back down to LA. It's probably going to be ten times worse.

leftovers hate me

My tummy hurts real bad. Couldn't focus on doing my paper (big surprise), but I finished my script. I had to cut it way down. In the end, I feel bad getting rid of certain scenes and dialogue. It affects me, and I shouldn't make it personal, but it is a world that I created. It's like I'm telling people to shut up or taking memories from them or something, I dunno. When you're developing a character, it's so much a part of you...it's hard to describe.

I spent my day in also various states of vegetation. I watched the rest of my Wonderfalls dvd. And also Eagle Vs. Shark on Netflix which I can now watch over the internet. Yay! It had some funny bits, but mostly it was like New Zealand's version of Napoleon Dynamite.

I have an overwhelming urge to cut my hair. I miss how short it used to be. It's at its longest in 5 years now. I'll try to resist cutting at least until summer.

dinner at Grandma's

She's not really my real Grandma, but my Dad's aunt, and so I get to call her Grandma. She has an amazing house here. Kind of reminds me of the Tenembaums house in the film The Royal Tenenbaums. She's a very sweet, kind lady and her husband is very funny and nice too. They always want me over for dinner, and then they send me home with days worth of leftovers. It's great.

I went over, and she was hosting a mah-jong party in their basement which is connected to their garage, but well-furnished and pretty much like a flat. She gave me a plate of food from the party, and then I ate upstairs in the kitchen where it wasn't so noisy.

Her granddaughter came by and brought enchiladas. She's nice too, about 2 years younger than me. She seems more grown up than I am though, talking about the clubs she wants to go to, her 25 year old boyfriend. She even asked me if she could borrow my ID sometime so that she can get into clubs and get alcohol. I think she was half-kidding. I hope. A really sweet girl, but I feel as if she wants to grow up too fast. And here I am clinging to my youth. Just weeks ago in Las Vegas, a waitress said I looked really fresh faced. I told her I took a shower. She laughed and said, "No, you look 16." I told her I was 22, and she said I looked great. I love that. I wish the guessing game never ends, especially when people guess below my age.

I went home withe various yummy things:
1. Pasta
2. Enchiladas
3. Pansit (Filipino noodles)
4. Cucumbers: I love how Grandma gives me produce. She says she has too much.
5. Oranges

I hope that I become this lady. Just a house stocked with food and people playing mah-jong in the furnished basement.

Went Christmas shopping as well. I'm done with Kuya and Mom's present. I got my Mom some sleepwear and a robe. I won't say what I got my brother. Don't know what I'll get Dad, he's a bit hard to shop for. Went looking for something to hold my brown sugar that I use for tea and ended up buying a teapot, creamer, and sugar bowl. The design is lovely and it all cost under 15 bucks. Awesome.

technical support

So my printer no longer wants to work for me and is stuck on paper jam. I got all the paper out, even from the back, but there seems to be some phantom paper stuck in there, so I finally called technical support.

For about 20 minutes Michael, a very patient tech guy, was trying to help me fix the printer but to no avail. So they're sending me a new printer, and I have to send the old one back. Stupid technology.

After the phone call, I realized how nice it was to talk to Michael. He was very kind and understanding, very patient as I repeatedly asked him to say instructions ("So I press the green button and red button at the same time? And then what?"). Gosh, I wish it was this easy to meet people. I'd much rather talk to strangers than to my friends. Sometimes they call and I just groan when I see the caller id. It's so horrible, I'm such a hermit.

Lots of work to do. I have a sci-fi paper to write due on Thursday, and I've set up a deadline for this other project that I have to finish. There's also my script. Bah. I can't wait for the drive home.

I'm going to try and stick to one book at a time, but here are the books I'm currently reading:
1. A Christmas Carol by Dickens
2. The Mysterious Benedict Society by ?
3. Short Stories by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Watched:
1. Fahrenheit 9/11
2. The Man Who Knew Too Much (the one with James Stewart)
3. Wonderfalls (in process--I really connect with the Jaye character, and Lee Pace is in it as a student finishing his doctorate in Comparative Religions--I love his character.)
4. Conversations With Other Women: Too much talk for me, but the split screen is fascinating.

soaking in culture

Yesterday was fun. Catherine and I got coffee and headed to the Legion of Honor. We looked at everything on the main floor from Renaissance to Impressionism. It was fun, and it felt like being in Paris again. I even heard some French being spoken by tourists. I really like this painting.

We then went to this little cafe that overlooks the bathhouse ruins on Point Lobos Ave. It's near the Cliff House, but I've forgotten the name.

Afterwards I went to class. God, I hate how sometimes I'll have a class and right in the middle I get this feeling like, "What the hell am I doing? Am I supposed to be here? Is this really the path I'm on?" And I felt like crap all over. Today was better though, although I totally had a mind fart in front of the whole class.

We were doing a read through for a script where the dialogue between girls was very awkward and weird--it was written by a guy, so go figure--but the professor asked me how I would do it, and I just said, "Uh...not this way." And she pried me for more info on what should be said, but I couldn't come up with anything right then and there.

It sucked, but oh well. I'm not very talkative in that class, nor in any of my classes, and I'm wondering if that's going to have an adverse effect on me. Not like on my grades or anyhting, but in the future, when I'll be called upon to speak up or something, and I won't be able to do it. It just takes me a while to think of something to say, and I want it to be worthwhile, and I want to choose the right words, and I don't want to feel as if I've wasted anyone's time.

Ugh, I can't wait for this semester to be over.

smile

Went to get some groceries and drop off rent. Pretty much get back to normal here. Had an interesting moment with a curious boy with brown hair and a slight stubble. I just dropped off rent, and I was backing out ever so slowly though because there was someone behind me in his car that wanted my space but got too close. While I'm backing out, the boy comes toward my car, he gives me the thumbs up and smiles almost saying, "You're good; keep going." I smiled back and drove away. It was a nice moment. A boy smiles at me through glass, and I'm a puddle of water.

If I could have a thousand moments like that or in the same vein with all the lovely boys I come across, I'd be set. I wouldn't care if I never have a boyfriend. Honestly. Those tiny moments mean the world to me.

My friend had a wake up call during the break. She pretty much asked herself if she really did like her boyfriend at all or if she just liked him as a friend. She was telling me that she wished that she went my way, total independence and waiting until the moment felt right, until she felt attraction and passion towards the person. I told her that I wanted her to be happy, and if she wasn't then maybe it was time to break it off. I really shouldn't give advice though, I've never had a boyfriend.

Tomorrow, we're hanging out and going to the Legion of Honor since it'll be free. Yay for free museum days!!!