That's Hamlet. I can't sleep at night. I have such bad dreams. I don't know if it's stress or that in my Film and Holocaust class we see some messed up stuff on that film screen (stuff never seemed so big on that screen as it does in other film classes). I get these moments. I call them "car crash" moments. I had one in Paris when I spilled the Coke at that cafe, do you remember, Paris friends? And it was all in slow motion, and all my friends reacted more quickly than I did. These moments make me ask myself, "What am I ignoring in my life? What needs attention?"
It happened again, only this time it wasn't some Coke that I spilled, I almost got in a car accident that could've been pretty bad. I avoided it, but it shook me up. I really shouldn't drive when I feel so weird and tense. God, I'm still thinking how bad it could've been.
Anyway, I just don't feel myself lately. I just feel like I'm going through the motions. I just can't wait till this semester's over. This is probably my least favorite semester.
Monday, 23 February 2009
Monday, 16 February 2009
flight jitters and dreams
I always feel sick on my flights back to SF. Maybe it was because it was raining and cloudy and a bit bumpy. Maybe it's because my flight was delayed due to a power outage at Long Beach airport, and I had deja vu that this was supposed to happen. Maybe it's because I'm finally back in Kansas after a fun weekend in Oz.
How I long to be back in Oz.
Power went out at the airport, and I was still sitting at the gate, thank God. Flight 242 to NYC was still on the tarmack, and those poor people had to stay on the plane for over an hour before taking off. I felt so sorry for them. I wouldn't be able to stand it, I get so claustrophobic.
I once thought I had a "dream"-I'll explain the quotes later--that I was in a darkened airport, not too full of many people. I was sitting with my baggage holding a book. The main action I remember was seeing a man with a backpack walk towards me. And that was the end of it.
I call it a "dream" because I thought it was a dream only it didn't feel like a dream. It was more like a memory that I had forgotten, but it never happened. I'd never been in a darkened airport. I never in my waking moments would imagine myself in a darkened airport. So what was this memory, this feeling?
I've got a bad case of paramnesia. I get deja vu at least 4 times a year. The last time I had it I actually remember the exact moment I had the "dream" right when it happened. Sophomore year I saw myself writing a paper for the film "Aliens". I was taking Film History I that year and was nowhere near writing a paper for "Aliens". I thought to myself, "That didn't happen! When would that ever happen?" Three years later--also known as last semester when I was taking Science Fiction Film, I would write a paper on "Aliens". Imagine that. So trippy. I can't get over it. Can I see into the future? Has everything already been planned out for me? Do I get any say? Is everything I do something God wants me to do?
Anyway, on some trivial matters, I looked really cute today. I have never looked this cute. I could've been on The Sartorialist. Nah, just kidding. I wore a gray v-neck shirt, my new tweedy skirt over black tights, and black high top Converses. Add a wool pea coat for good warm measure. I carried my old-timey suitcase. When I got to the airport, an airport security guy asked me if I was heading back to the East Coast. Imagine that! Me an East coast girl! I've been saying "Imagine that" a lot, I do apologize. But that felt pretty cool. Most of the girls in So Cal dress the same anyway.
How I long to be back in Oz.
Power went out at the airport, and I was still sitting at the gate, thank God. Flight 242 to NYC was still on the tarmack, and those poor people had to stay on the plane for over an hour before taking off. I felt so sorry for them. I wouldn't be able to stand it, I get so claustrophobic.
I once thought I had a "dream"-I'll explain the quotes later--that I was in a darkened airport, not too full of many people. I was sitting with my baggage holding a book. The main action I remember was seeing a man with a backpack walk towards me. And that was the end of it.
I call it a "dream" because I thought it was a dream only it didn't feel like a dream. It was more like a memory that I had forgotten, but it never happened. I'd never been in a darkened airport. I never in my waking moments would imagine myself in a darkened airport. So what was this memory, this feeling?
I've got a bad case of paramnesia. I get deja vu at least 4 times a year. The last time I had it I actually remember the exact moment I had the "dream" right when it happened. Sophomore year I saw myself writing a paper for the film "Aliens". I was taking Film History I that year and was nowhere near writing a paper for "Aliens". I thought to myself, "That didn't happen! When would that ever happen?" Three years later--also known as last semester when I was taking Science Fiction Film, I would write a paper on "Aliens". Imagine that. So trippy. I can't get over it. Can I see into the future? Has everything already been planned out for me? Do I get any say? Is everything I do something God wants me to do?
Anyway, on some trivial matters, I looked really cute today. I have never looked this cute. I could've been on The Sartorialist. Nah, just kidding. I wore a gray v-neck shirt, my new tweedy skirt over black tights, and black high top Converses. Add a wool pea coat for good warm measure. I carried my old-timey suitcase. When I got to the airport, an airport security guy asked me if I was heading back to the East Coast. Imagine that! Me an East coast girl! I've been saying "Imagine that" a lot, I do apologize. But that felt pretty cool. Most of the girls in So Cal dress the same anyway.
Sunday, 15 February 2009
pizza, needless shopping, and more biking
Went out with Catherine to the mall to hang out. She needed to get some things for her friend's bridal shower--her friend is our age and getting married!--and I just wanted to hang out.
She wanted some clothes, and gosh, I couldn't help myself either. I got a cropped hooded jacket in a bright chartreuse. I usually don't go for bright things, but I could wear this when I bike. And it was on sale. Also a cute tweed skirt and a tweedish cardigan, also on sale. At least they were on sale. Catherine got a purple blouse to wear for the shower.
We ate pizza at California Pizza Kitchen at the mall and had lots of fun just talking about the usual: movies, funny happenings, our plans. We're going to hang out more when I go home for spring break next month. We plan to go to FIDM's exhibit on all the costumes from films from 2008. They have the costumes from "The Fall"! I'm really excited about that.
I got home, donned on my new jacket, and went for another bike ride. Went to Target to get some coffee at their Starbucks. They also have a counter that overlooks the parking lot, so it's great for people watching. Read "The Stand" until I finished coffee then I biked back.
I always have to go back up this huge hill when I bike home, but at the top is a park. Right when I got to the park I found a shady spot, put up the bike kickstand, and I just collapsed onto the grass and watched the clouds while listening to Sigur Ros. It was really nice. This was like the perfect day. Hanging out with my friend, pizza, shopping, coffee, bike, and the park. And musics. Everything about this day was perfection.
She wanted some clothes, and gosh, I couldn't help myself either. I got a cropped hooded jacket in a bright chartreuse. I usually don't go for bright things, but I could wear this when I bike. And it was on sale. Also a cute tweed skirt and a tweedish cardigan, also on sale. At least they were on sale. Catherine got a purple blouse to wear for the shower.
We ate pizza at California Pizza Kitchen at the mall and had lots of fun just talking about the usual: movies, funny happenings, our plans. We're going to hang out more when I go home for spring break next month. We plan to go to FIDM's exhibit on all the costumes from films from 2008. They have the costumes from "The Fall"! I'm really excited about that.
I got home, donned on my new jacket, and went for another bike ride. Went to Target to get some coffee at their Starbucks. They also have a counter that overlooks the parking lot, so it's great for people watching. Read "The Stand" until I finished coffee then I biked back.
I always have to go back up this huge hill when I bike home, but at the top is a park. Right when I got to the park I found a shady spot, put up the bike kickstand, and I just collapsed onto the grass and watched the clouds while listening to Sigur Ros. It was really nice. This was like the perfect day. Hanging out with my friend, pizza, shopping, coffee, bike, and the park. And musics. Everything about this day was perfection.
Saturday, 14 February 2009
Valentine's day
I had a pretty deece Valentine's day.
Stayed with my Grandma while Mom and Dad bought groceries and lunch. They came home with a tiny jar of honey for me! They know I like it with my tea.
I went for a bike ride to this Boba place that's 2 miles away, but it's the closest boba. I ended up just getting a peach iced tea that was really good. There's a place that makes chocolates next to it, and it was packed with people buying some last minute gifts. I sat outside with my bike and Stephen King's "The Stand." There was this one young guy that approached the store, but seemed a bit wary about buying chocolates. You could see the internal struggle in his face, "Should I get her chocolates? Maybe I should get her something different, it's totally unoriginal...Oh hey, there's a sale."
Catherine called while I was at the patio at the boba cafe, and we talked about her dinner party last night, which was so much fun. The waiter was really impressed by the beers we'd order and would tell us random facts about them. I wanted a pint of Hoegaarden after I had a framboise (my fave in Paris!), and he suggested I try a "bloody ho"--half framboise, half Hoegaarden. It was so good! I would definitely have it again.
I biked to the park by my house to read some more and lounge on the grass. I was heading toward a slightly shady area when it dawned upon me that I was getting pretty close to a couple's picnic. He was pouring her wine. I wanted to gag at the semi-cheesiness of it all, but it did look sweet. I went to the other side of the park. Some kids ran past me while their Dad was on the phone. They would keep saying hi to me over and over again and wave. Couldn't get through three sentences without a hi. It was really cute though.
Biked home so that I could go with Mom to church. I have this thing about church. It's going to sound totally sacrilegious...I like to find things to laugh at in church. And the weirdest tiniest things make me laugh when I'm people watching in there. There were so many things today. Like there was a man who wore sweatpants with a leather belt over them! And an old guy with a shirt that says, "My boss is a Jewish carpenter" on the back. Sometimes I try to make my Mom laugh too in church. I was looking at the church bulletin or flyer they hand out, and it has ads on the back. There was an ad for "Catholic Singles Match" dot com or something, and I pointed it out to Mom and whispered in my church whisper, "This might be my only hope." And then I had to keep my head down from laughing. Mom was not amused.
Stayed with my Grandma while Mom and Dad bought groceries and lunch. They came home with a tiny jar of honey for me! They know I like it with my tea.
I went for a bike ride to this Boba place that's 2 miles away, but it's the closest boba. I ended up just getting a peach iced tea that was really good. There's a place that makes chocolates next to it, and it was packed with people buying some last minute gifts. I sat outside with my bike and Stephen King's "The Stand." There was this one young guy that approached the store, but seemed a bit wary about buying chocolates. You could see the internal struggle in his face, "Should I get her chocolates? Maybe I should get her something different, it's totally unoriginal...Oh hey, there's a sale."
Catherine called while I was at the patio at the boba cafe, and we talked about her dinner party last night, which was so much fun. The waiter was really impressed by the beers we'd order and would tell us random facts about them. I wanted a pint of Hoegaarden after I had a framboise (my fave in Paris!), and he suggested I try a "bloody ho"--half framboise, half Hoegaarden. It was so good! I would definitely have it again.
I biked to the park by my house to read some more and lounge on the grass. I was heading toward a slightly shady area when it dawned upon me that I was getting pretty close to a couple's picnic. He was pouring her wine. I wanted to gag at the semi-cheesiness of it all, but it did look sweet. I went to the other side of the park. Some kids ran past me while their Dad was on the phone. They would keep saying hi to me over and over again and wave. Couldn't get through three sentences without a hi. It was really cute though.
Biked home so that I could go with Mom to church. I have this thing about church. It's going to sound totally sacrilegious...I like to find things to laugh at in church. And the weirdest tiniest things make me laugh when I'm people watching in there. There were so many things today. Like there was a man who wore sweatpants with a leather belt over them! And an old guy with a shirt that says, "My boss is a Jewish carpenter" on the back. Sometimes I try to make my Mom laugh too in church. I was looking at the church bulletin or flyer they hand out, and it has ads on the back. There was an ad for "Catholic Singles Match" dot com or something, and I pointed it out to Mom and whispered in my church whisper, "This might be my only hope." And then I had to keep my head down from laughing. Mom was not amused.
Friday, 6 February 2009
dreary weather
A pretty deece week...spent the night at my Rhean and Vilaska's place so that I could watch LOST on their tv, haha. It was very nice and hospitable of them. I only aimed to watch it there and then go home, but Rhean picked me up, Vilaska made dinner, and they let me sleep over. The next morning, Rhean took my home. It was really sweet and awesome of them.
Today I have a weekend cinema focus class. We're doing James Bond. I'm pretty excited, and glad that I could stay in since the weather right now is dreadful. On the other hand, I'm missing The Goonies playing at Castro Theatre. Bah. This should be fun anyway.
A week from now, I'll be back in southern California to celebrate Catherine's birthday. You have no idea how excited I am. The thought of going home fills me with great joy. And I miss my bike. I'm going to try and pack light. I tend to overpack on these short trips.
Today I have a weekend cinema focus class. We're doing James Bond. I'm pretty excited, and glad that I could stay in since the weather right now is dreadful. On the other hand, I'm missing The Goonies playing at Castro Theatre. Bah. This should be fun anyway.
A week from now, I'll be back in southern California to celebrate Catherine's birthday. You have no idea how excited I am. The thought of going home fills me with great joy. And I miss my bike. I'm going to try and pack light. I tend to overpack on these short trips.
Monday, 2 February 2009
Revolutionary Road
Went down to the Marina Theatre with my friend Stacy to see Revolutionary Road. I liked it though it was depressing. Michael Shannon was very good, I really liked him. I think he's a bit of a hunk too actually.
We took the #28 bus, and it was a nice easy ride with no transfers or anything. I would do it again just to go down and walk across the Golden Gate bridge. I haven't done that yet. There's still so much I have to do in SF before I leave, but it doesn't have that same urgency Paris had when I had to leave there. I actually wouldn't mind if I didn't do some of the "must do" things in SF. I don't know why I want to slow down so much. Maybe it's because my tummy hurts so much.
Today, I'm going to try and add this self-defense class that Susie's in. I don't need the units, I just want to take it, and I heard the professor is like Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2. Just a super hardcore soldier lady.
We took the #28 bus, and it was a nice easy ride with no transfers or anything. I would do it again just to go down and walk across the Golden Gate bridge. I haven't done that yet. There's still so much I have to do in SF before I leave, but it doesn't have that same urgency Paris had when I had to leave there. I actually wouldn't mind if I didn't do some of the "must do" things in SF. I don't know why I want to slow down so much. Maybe it's because my tummy hurts so much.
Today, I'm going to try and add this self-defense class that Susie's in. I don't need the units, I just want to take it, and I heard the professor is like Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2. Just a super hardcore soldier lady.
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