back to school!

Hopefully for the last time ever.

No, no, no...I actually like school. The bags, the books, the school supplies. The humorous professors. It's sad that it's my last semester, but I do need to get out of here. I feel like I can't stay in a certain place for too long, unless that place is home--where the fam and friends are. It would explain me being "okay" to leave Paris when my time was up and feeling like that year was fulfilling.

Anyway, classes are off to a good start. Have a lot of great teachers. I'm taking a Horror Film class right now, and hopefully it'll help me get over my fear of horror films. Guess what: I won't be getting any sleep Thursday nights. My class is on Thursday so I get the whole Thursday night to mull over the film, let it sink in. Great. We watched The Descent, a British film about a group of girls who go spelunking. I actually really liked it. Especially the lighting, it was very well done.

I sit by myself, it's kind of sad, at most of my classes. At one point, my professor was talking about some books and he said, "The last name is Miller. Anyone know the first name?" And no one said anything, and without thinking I said to myself, "Henry." And I really drew it out, like an old British lady finally meeting the love her life that she thought she lost in the war: "Heeenrry." The professor didn't hear me, but a couple students around me did and just looked at me. It was definitely one of those many moments where I said to myself, "Elaine...you're in a public place. Watch yourself."

I've picked up bowling for a hobby, and just bought bowling shoes online. I guess ever since I inherited the bowling ball Dad found, I feel like should at least be pretty decent at it. So I went bowling by myself at my local alley. Felt like I was hiding a secret going there by myself. You know how people secretly smoke and don't want their family members to know? I felt like this was my secret.

There were mostly old people there playing in a league. The lady working there was very sweet, and I got a lane at the far end. Right near the end of my game, this guy around my age is bowling next to me! So that we shared the same ball spitter outer thing. Was she setting me up? He was not cute, too skinny and a bit of a showoff. And his own bowling ball was rainbow colored so...

LOST

Season premiere of LOST tonight. YAY! If there's any tv show I'd like to work on, it's LOST. At least LOST has a slim chance of getting canceled, unlike "Pushing Daisies."

I wore my Lost t-shirt, a Christmas gift from Catherine years ago. It features the "cursed" numbers: 4 8 15 16 23 42. I don't know which is nerdier, me wearing the t-shirt or a guy today asking me if I had the fibonacci sequence on my shirt. I guess it's a tie, although my shirt is CLEARLY not the fibonacci sequence since it doesn't follow the pattern of the number being the sum of the two numbers before it. Oh. Wait. I'm the nerd.

Have been slowly packing things up as well as going through the whole internship application process. It's been taking me a while to do the app. I've been procrastinating since I'm scared of growing up and finally taking responsibility and becoming an adult, blah blah blurg. I also am unclear as to what I want to do exactly for a job, so I'm hoping that this internship will help me figure things out. I really like being on set and playing an active role, but I also like telling stories through editing...I don't know. We'll see what hand I'm dealt this summer.

I know I should be thinking about money and finding a way to live, but all that feels secondary to me. I want to be happy with my work, I want to contribute something good, I want to work with people who share my interests and sense of humor...Gd, it feels like so much to ask, but it also feels possible.

back to SF in a couple of days

I leave in less than a week.

I don't want to leave So Cal obviously. Weather's great, I love my clean(ish) room, and my parents have high definition television. At least this is my last semester. Then I get to move back while I try to find a way to support myself in this horrendous job market. Yippee.

I'm not too afraid. I have hope that things will work out in the end, and meanwhile I'm supported by people who love me and are there to advise me when I need it. It'll be okay.

Okay, in more important matters: I hate the AC machine in my room. It looks like a robot. It is a robot. When it turns on, two openings like eyes flip up. Very disturbing. I haven't been using it since it's not that hot enough, and yet it MAKES SOUNDS. It is very loud and clunky so I'll hear it if it moves to come and hurt me in my sleep. By the by...

Things I will NOT miss:
1. the robot AC
2. loud OC girls who are not creative with their outfits
3. people who stare at me like a crazy person when I'm out riding my bike
4. seeing my parents forlorn after watching the Lakers lose a game
5. rude people at the movies who can't leave their cell phones in their pockets/purses for more than 30 minutes at a time

Things I WILL miss:
1. my bike (it was getting rusty up in SF, and it's hard to use up there with the crazy hills and all--it's a single speed and better for flat terrain)
2. fam and friends, esp. Catherine who'll be staying in So Cal
3. le soleil, bien sur
4. embarrassing my parents at Costco while I dribble basketballs down aisles and other sorts of things that make my parents laugh/be embarrassed
5. thinking I could run into a member of my fave band Thrice at a store and then not saying anything to them because I just "want to leave them alone" and then kicking myself for not taking the chance because it'll be the last chance I ever get

new trends

I have started a new fashion trend. Or maybe it's already famous, and I didn't know it.

I've been biking a lot, but I want to bike and look a bit cute and not slobbish. So I decided, why not bike shorts under a dress/skirt? That way I can still look a bit cute-ish but not have to pull down my dress all the time or worry about my undies showing. Mom says I look funny because today my dress was a little shorter than the shorts, but I like the way it looks, haha. So my "must" bike outfit consists of these things:

-bike shorts
-at least one thing "bright" so I can be seen (as a safety thing)
-sunglasses

Yup. Bought some bike shorts today. Biked to Sports Authority then to Borders to read on their patio while sipping a coffee drink. Raced back before the sun set.

Went to Savers to look for a bowling bag. Dad found a girl's bowling ball in our garage. It wasn't my Mom's, haha. It had the name "Kathi" engraved on it. We were all joking around, "WHO'S THIS KATHI!?!?!" The ball fits my hand, haha. I'm not that great at bowling, but I want to be because it's a fun "sport" that's not very active. It's like billiards. Shoot, I just remembered, I have a cue, and I don't know where it is now.

Unfortunately, no bowling bags at the thrift department store which is the only one in so cal. Maybe I'll try Goodwill. I got sucked back into the LP section. I was craving more vinyl. Bought some more classical stuff. I really like ballet music. My new fave vinyl is one that has excerpts from ballets, and it has a booklet on the background of the ballets. Pretty sweet-o. The manager walked by and was like, "Find anything good?" because I was all smiles.

set decorating

Have been de-cluttering and decorating my own "set" aka my bedroom today, as I always seem to be saying in my posts.

Took advantage of Aaron Brothers's penny sale where if you buy one frame the second frame (of equal or lesser value of course) is only a penny. I have some Thrice posters hanging out, so I decided to get some frames for them. Yay. Don't know where I'll hang them yet. The smaller one is on my dresser and will probably stay there.

Here is my old bookcase. I love stacking books like this:So messy though. So much crap. How did I happen upon all this stuff, honestly? I've moved the whole thing to make room for the "art deco" dresser that Dad found for me. I like my Ikea bookshelf, but why have Ikea when you can show off a unique dresser? Will post photos when that area is all finished.

Here is my new place for the playing of musics:I got the idea from the deco on the film The Royal Tenenbaums where in Richie's yellow tent he has a bunch of little knick knacks around his record player. I have some volcanic rock from Mt. Etna that Rosario picked up for me. A jam jar from having tea and scones in at the Orchard Tea garden in Cambridge where Virginia Woolf took tea. A wooden carving of a caribou that I found hiding in the house. On the wall are some random postcards acquired in Paris, and a letter my brother wrote to me on cardboard scraps.

Another corner of my room. And another stack of books. I think the idea of book stacking came to me in an episode of "Pushing Daisies." It actually looks different now, but I liked the direction where this was going. I've since taken off the photos from the hanging lamp, and the vinyls are by the record player now. The anime poster is gone.

I know I have a lot of stuff--as evidenced in these photos. But I can't help but attach a memory to all of these things. Tossing something out would be like tossing out a memory. A room filled with memories is just so comforting and warm to come home to.

history for sale

Spent this morning in North Hollywood at History for Hire's Prop Shop yard sale. Basically it's a giant yard sale with different people selling props they've used in television and film. Went with Kuya and Kat.

Wasn't looking for anything particular, but I spotted a really cute suitcase that was old timey and in good condition. Forgot to ask if it was used in anything. It'll be great as a prop and just to use for a weekend getaway. It was 7 bucks. My brother bought 5 wooden smoking pipes for 10 bucks. He's not going to smoke them, just display them.

Also stopped by the Set Decor magazine table and bought 2 magazines. One featured the sets of "Pushing Daisies" and "Mad Men" and the other featured "Benjamin Button." I was really excited to see photos of the sets because they're quite amazing. The ladies working there were really nice. We chatted a little. They said I could go on their website if I was interested in an internship! That was super cool. I like interior decorating, but I don't know anything about it! I'd still be interested to dress sets.

After, we ate ceviche and fish tacos at El Jato. So good.

not that bad

So, it actually didn't hurt this much this time. Weird. I was expecting more pain. Before we did it, my dentist said it wouldn't be as bad as the bottoms. I said that was horrendous that time, and she agreed.

I sat there (WARNING: this might be graphic) while she got rid of the gum and exposed the teeth. I watched as the straw connected to the vacuum suck up bits of gum like pink watermelon flesh. When one tool wasn't good enough, she brought out another. The sound of the tool against the tooth was grating, like someone grasping with a wrench at a bolt that was too slippery. All I felt was pressure, this amazing pressure. Then the sound of the tooth being uprooted like a pumpkin being crushed inside my head.

I'm feeling pretty good. Took some ibuprofen. Will probably be puffy tomorrow.

let's dismantle...my teeth

I'm an hour away from sitting in that dreaded dentist's chair while they do copious amounts of chipping away, drilling, sawing, and other things modern surgery has allowed us to do to others.

Today, I get my wisdom teeth removed. Again. Last time it was the bottoms. And only local anesthesia, they're not putting me under. So that means, pain and hallucinations and me valuing my life and more pain. Last time this happened, I promised myself, during the procedure, that I need to lose weight, take better care of my body, and all manner of things to make me a better person, human being, whatever. I kicked something like 25 pounds off that year and was in the best shape of my life.

I need this pain, more than ever, if I need to appreciate my body again, because I let myself run amuck, I haven't been watching my plate too much, my exercise is sporadic at best. I did do this body fat test and found that I'm 22.2% fat. That's good; I fall in the healthy range. The average American woman is 32%. But man, all my favorite clothes are getting tight, and that's no good. I don't have money to spend on new clothes, and I like my current clothes, so the best thing is just to get back to my Paris weight or even sophomore year of college weight. I can do this. Blurg. Sorry I write about my weight so much, it's just been such a problem since I've been a kid.

Okay, other things. I'm registering for my last semester of classes. I'm taking mostly lecture classes. I graduate this May. Weird! Then I'm back here in so cal for the summer to find an internship and hopefully a job. Yikes. I'm growing up oh so fast. I don't want to grow up!

Cher reminded me that this year will be my "Golden Birthday" since I'll be 23 on the 23rd of June. So maybe I should plan a big bash, mash it all with my graduation. I don't know. Times are tough, and I don't like huge bashes. "Bash" is a weird word. Okay, I'm going to stop writing now, I think I'm getting squirrelly since they'll be bashing my teeth in in less than an hour.

I'll see you on the other side.

so cal conformity

"I had a hard time dressing today." Catherine met up with me at Borders at the Block, in the heart of the OC. I agreed. We both find that it's hard to dress when we're down here. In SF, everyone has a unique and quirky style whereas in so cal people tend to play it safe or stick to trends. Sometimes it all looks so bland to me, so uninspired. Neither of us likes sticking out like a sore thumb too much, so we're more careful about the clothes we wear, trying not to look too subversive.

Met up with Jazmine. She quit studying law and decided to follow her passion, writing. She's currently a copy editor at a magazine. I'm so happy and proud of her. While sitting in Johnny Rockets, pouring all our nickels into the jukebox, we discussed our futures and sipped chocolate malts. She asked me, "What are you going to do, Elaine?"

I didn't answer so quickly. She added, "I didn't mean for it to come out like that." I told her not to worry. That I was just hoping to end up at a production house. Probably work my up from the bottom. The more immediate future scares me; I'm getting my top wisdom teeth removed on Thursday.

celebrities are mirrors

Woke up today to my parents watching a Today show segment on Jett Travolta. I'm sure you heard the news; they've been referring to it for a couple days now.

Immediately after, Mom and Dad were super nice to me and have been all day. They tell me how glad they are that I'm here since I'm rarely here, how it's nice to have me in the house. I love it when they tell me these things, to know that I'm wanted around.

The death of a son or daughter is always tragic. It will never feel right to bury your own children or children in general, but it happens. I just think his death reminded my parents of my own mortality. I will die someday, and it scares me, but how can I live if that's all I think about? I can't. I can't believe I'm about to quote Keanu Reeves, but I will, and it doesn't really count anyway since he said it in a film: "Nothing ever truly dies. The universe wastes nothing. Everything is simply...transformed."

I believe this. I think we're all connected someway or other, the dead and the living. I believe in past lives. I've looked into a person's eyes and felt something behind them that has bonded us before in another lifetime...Oh, this is heavy. But yes...the universe recycles. God is the guy that sorts out the recycling bin. And the Devil picks up the trash and just throws it into the incinerator. Anyway...

I'm sorting through my own trash and recycling and giving away stuff. It's nice to start the year off with less stuff, it feels. Though I can't shake my book buying obsession nor my DVD buying habits. Blurg.

Tomorrow, I meet with friends to discuss our current happenings. It'll be fun.

a good start

The year is off to a good start. I made the usual basic resolutions: lose weight, spend money wisely, read more books. Pretty typical.

Saw Benjamin Button, and loved it. Bawled a little. It was a little depressing to start my new year off with that film, but whatever. It made me really proud of what I've done in the past year of 2008, especially with all that traveling. 2008 was such a blessing. Don't read ahead this bit if you don't want me to spoil some bits of the film for you, but there was a montage of Pitt's character traveling through India and Cambodia, and it made me realize how much I want to go there and do some sort of pilgrimage and visit temples. I've been to Thailand before and have visited temples, but I was only 6 and was not really aware of the total sanctity and the beauty of that sanctity. To me, it was just another fairy tale place, surreal, unlike my own LA and suburban surroundings.

Also finished the book Daddy Long Legs by Jean Webster on Jan. 1. I've never finished a book that fast! Started it the night before.

Have been doing a lot of biking. Actually biked down to Borders, which is a 5 min. drive from my house. It was a fun bike, but jeez, drivers are so irritating. Luckily, my brother saw me biking, and while I was cutting across a parking lot to get home, he was standing behind a car, in an attempt to surprise me! He drove the truck, so I asked for a ride home because I didn't want to bike up the unavoidable hill that's on the way back to the house, hahaha. Here is my bike, who is named Seymour. He's leaning against my Dad's gingko tree.